The Rising

CAUTION: Sensative readers are warned this article may cause you to hate Hitler. Oh wait, I forgot, everyone hates Hitler. Read on.

Adolf Hitler was the most feared dictator of the 20th century, paralleled only by Mahatma Gandhi. It was often thought that such an evil and vindictive person could only have been a representative of the almighty Satan, although Satan recently denied this at a press-conference.

Hitler was put to death on 30 April 1945, when he was tragically shot by his worshipper, Mark David Chapman. This restored peace on Earth and despite many slip-ups by George 'Dubya' Bush, world peace remained. That was until March, 2007; when a catastrophical mishap brought Hitler back to life.

The unfortunate incident took place on 2 March 2007, when David Blane and Criss Angel planned a practical joke on lead vocalist of My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way. They 'teleported' him to a German cemetary and gathered a crowd, promising a spectacle. And a spectacle was what the audience of 38 received. Blane and Angel attempted to draw up a spirit from a grave that would possess Way. Unlike all their previous stunts, this one was not rigged. Unfortunately, the random spirit was none other than Adolf Hitler's. The crowd witnessed Gerard Way's body being gradually possesed by Hitler. It adopted its host's personality and along with it, retained Hitler's previous strengths. Witnesses refer to this person as the 'Emo Hitler', saying he has darkness and depression in his eyes, along with an eccentric dress sense, much like Way himself. Although a major weakness has also emerged. As soon as Hitler was reborn, he ran for shelter, clearly indicating the fact that like all emos, he too is vulnerable to the sun. JK Rowling admitted to apparently been aware of the incident, but as usual she lied and her real plan was to attract attention to the release of yet another child-brainwashing multi-series books.

This incident has sparked fright and alarm amongst the global community. Hitler much like Osama and Prince Charles, is exeptional in the art of deceit and has hid himself for months now. He is also an excellent cook, though that is completely irrelevant to the topic. Many fear Hitler will be out for revenge and so are taking radical steps to mask their identity. Celebrities in panic include Diddy, who was yet again changed his name, and Michael Jackson, who has chosen a new nose.

To investigate the whereabouts of Hitler, the UN have appointed what they believe are the best CSI unit, the Jamaican police (who handled the Bob Woolmer case) for a thorough investigation. Kofi Annan claims this could escalate to the biggest case of terrorism in recent years and has ordered people around the world to be aware of any new findings. The Australian authorities however, have dismissed Hitler as a potential terrorist as no SIM card or photograph of a national monument has been found and most importantly, Adolf Hitler is not a muslim.